Sunday, December 12, 2010

BEEP BOOP BEEP TRON? JULIAN ASSANGE?

No doubt inspired by Tron Legacy, a popular film I am mentioning to pad my hit count, Legumeman Books are selling their ebooks for only 1.99. Get transgressive and exciting titles like Archelon Ranch, Dinnerbell for the Dreamworms, A Million Versions of Right, Spare Key and 10 A Boot 20 Stomping a Human Face 30 Go to 10 downloaded to your computer bookreading machine for dirt cheap! And the best part is, for those of you who want to defend controversial WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who, like Legumeman is also from Australia, you don't have to buy these books on Amazon. In fact, you get them from Smashwords.

And if you do like buying books from Amazon, you can buy the print versions from Amazon. It's a pretty sweet deal for everyone. Australians of all kinds need your money.



Julian Assange, shown here being exploited for crass commercialism. He looks sort of like Dr. Who's Matt Smith.



Australian Jeff Bridges impersonator Matthew Revert, one of the founders of Legumeman books.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Bizarro Holiday Guide

So, you're looking for some gifts for the man/woman/transsexual werewolf who has everything. Not surprisingly, I have a solution for you. It's always good when people know what to buy when we don't, right? Right? Hmmm. Turns out I don't care how you reply to that sucker. Because I will not let good taste get in the way of selling you books that I believe in. FIVE books that I believe in.

1. The Deadheart Shelters by Forrest Armstrong

Mellow, sentimental, showing touches of hiphop, Romanticism and surrealism, this book bleeds heartache and genius. For fans of Jodorowsky, Lynch and poetry in all its forms, or for those seeking a thoughtful gift that is thoughtful in every sense of the word, I recommend The Deadheart Shelters by Forrest Armstrong. Hip hop poetics and a powerful imagination along with a genuine passion for the word makes this transcendently wonderful.

BUY IT

2. Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy

You have a friend who laughs at inappropriate moments? Who has an absurd sense of humor, a love of the nonsequitur and a disdain for the mundane? Don't just get him a box set of Adult Swim crap.You could. Or you could get him this kickass book with a kickass title by Bizarro writer Bradley Sands. Poetry about Die Hard, Leatherface, Shakespeare and more, poetry that will make them laugh until they shit themselves.

http://www.amazon.com/Sorry-I-Ruined-Your-Orgy/dp/1936383152/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1291867360&sr=1-1

3. King Scratch

It's hard to shop for the true cult film geek. The dude who has a Pieces poster over his bed and celebrates Fritz Lang's birthday with a Scarlet Street/Woman in the Window double feature. You know in the end you're gonna lose your balls and give them an Amazon gift card, which, while it's basically good as cash, isn't too thoughtful and is a coward's way out. Jordan Krall's King Scratch is the sleaziest, weirdest, cult noir nightmare ever, a phatasmagoric literary journey like nothing they've ever read. Golden showers, Lincoln's assassin, a trunk full of babies...truly cult. Truly cool.

http://www.amazon.com/King-Scratch-Jordan-Krall/dp/0955693861/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291867945&sr=1-1

4.Apeshit by Carlton Mellick III

The gorehound in your life might also have a Pieces poster. But he probably thinks that movie wasn't brutal enough. He's probably grown weary of Argento and Jason and everything that people think is the slasher film, even though he owns them all and loves them like family members. Apeshit is what a gorehound's parents think the filth they were watching is. Apeshit revolves the most perverted group of teens ever and they're out in the woods and...horrible things is what. Let the sicko you buy this for find out what. Even if you are that sicko, no fun ruining the surprise!

http://www.amazon.com/Apeshit-Carlton-Mellick-III/dp/1933929766/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291868570&sr=1-1

5. Bizarro Starter Kit Purple

Ten Bizarro novellas by ten awesome talents. Yes, one of them is me. But I think I'm pretty good. Keep this for yourself.

http://www.amazon.com/Bizarro-Starter-Kit-purple/dp/1936383209/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1291868650&sr=1-1

Monday, November 1, 2010

See Into the Future

I'm always looking for fun new ways to interact with my readers and give you cool stuff to read. And because sometimes I have a large number or projects on my plate or circumstances outside my control delay them, there is a wait between books. Well, right now, I'm putting finishes touches on several pieces that might someday be either novellas sold individually or pieces of collections. From an Archelon Ranch sequel to a pitchblack Bizarro fairytale, to genrebending noir to metafictional madness, I'm doing some of the most unusual and risque projects I've ever done and I want to let you in on the process. Writers used to be reclusive, used to keep the creative process a mystery and used to do everything to make sure readers did not see their work in its most vulnerable state. But, I'm going to let you in on things. For 3.99, you can get my precognitive sampler, a PDF containing the opening sections of five different novellas and novelettes, all nearing completion. Get a secret glimpse into the future works of an up and coming Bizarro writer. And when you're done, don't be afraid to let me know what you think, what you like, what you hate, what you want to see more of, what you want to see less of. Does this future look bright or are there other routes you would like to see me go? Let me know. I care.

Update: Sale is temporarily suspended until I return from the trip to Portland I embark on tomorrow. I don't want anybody waiting ten days for me to send them this.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Special News for my 100th Post

I don't write in this blog nearly enough, but I've managed to reach 100 posts. And for this 100th post, I'm glad to be able to bring you some good news. My novelette Re-Mancipator is appearing in The Bizarro Starter Kit:Purple. Yes, I won the First Annual Ultimate Bizarro Showdown, yes I've appeared twice in The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction, yes, I've had whiskey and bacon with Carlton Mellick at 2 in the morning, but this feels like it makes me a member of the Bizarro family in a more tangible way than ever before. I am grateful to all the people in the Bizarro community that have supported me and published my work, Jeremy Needle, Jeff Burk, Rose O' Keefe, Matt Revert, Robert Frederick Hamilton, Carlton Mellick, Jonathan Moon...thanks, everybody. You guys are awesome. You helped me manifest and become real. And I'm in damn good company in this anthology. Check out who's in there:
Russell Edson – prose poems
Athena Villaverde – Clockwork Girl
David Agranoff – Punkupines of the Apocalypse
Matthew Revert – three stories
Andrew Goldfarb – comics
Jeff Burk – Cripple Wolf
Garrett Cook – Re-Mancipator
Kris Saknussemm – Sparklewheel
Cody Goodfellow – Homewreckers
Cameron Pierce – The Destroyed Room

A good lineup of cool people. Some I call friends and colleagues, some I hope to do so someday. I'm quite excited. Here's the Amazon link

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Draculas Review (previously posted on Goodreads)

DRACULAS (A Novel of Terror)DRACULAS by J.A. Konrath

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Draculas by J.A Konrath, Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand and F. Paul Wilson is something to get behind. Courage and innovation like this are in short supply. It's a bold experiment; an ebook by four noteable authors, full of special extras, telling a story from a multitude of perspectives. This is not what you expect from reputable, noteworthy authors of genre bestsellers. Draculas is an ebook that tells the story of a hospital beset by grotesque, deformed bloodsucking aberrations against nature, vampires closer to the repulsive revenants of Slavic folklore than to the byronic debonair fiends our culture has embraced. The characters are perhaps a bit cliche, but nonetheless likeable, the atmosphere cinematic, the gore the product of a Tom Savini or a Screaming Mad George. Sheer terror, splatstick and one very unsettling flesheating clown make this more than worthy of your attention. But when you add in free short fiction and interviews from the authors, you get a hell of a package, the sort of thing I hope to see more of. Support innovation and have a lot of Halloween fun doing it.



View all my reviews

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Bonechilling Bizarro

Halloween is upon us. It is getting colder, betting things are manifesting on television, people try on salacious costumes inappropriate for their age and/or body type. Death walks and he wants nothing from us but a funsize Snicker's bar. It's pretty awesome. But there's a way to make it more awesome. Are your eyes popping out of their sockets? Has your heart exploded? It's surprising, but it's true. Halloween can be better if you take a walk on the weird side.

That which should not be is innately scary to us, because it is wrong. We find ourselves regressing somewhat when faced by such things. Up is down, left is right, Sarah Palin is literate (okay, so nothing is that weird)and sometimes the road back to consensual reality is strewn with bones and bad memories. When the weird and the horrific come together, great experiences happen. Bizarro horror goes places you might not want to go but you'll be glad when you get there. Here are some titles that can gear you up for an unforgettable Halloween.

1.Apeshit by Carlton Mellick III

Something must be seriously wrong with me, because when I read this I was not shocked apalled or disgusted but surprised, enthralled and envious of Mellick's ability to make people cringe. This takes you beyond the boundaries of common decency into a naughty, naughty place. It is not the place where horror goes, but the place where fundamentalist Christians, Tipper Gore and your grandmother think it goes. For something to be not a work of horror but a work of what people too scared to look into horror think it is, is an incredible achievement.

2.Siren Promised by Jeremy Robert Johnson

Addiction, madness, violence, grit. Real person hells merge with places on the periphery of reality. It deconstructs, chills you to the bone. A thing of transcendent unapologetic hurt.

3.Carnageland by D.W Barbee

If you've been going down this list and purchasing things like an awesome Superman of calculated consumer cool and reading them, then you'll feel enlightened and when you stop twitching and writhing, you'll want a palate cleanser. Carnageland is a tweaked out ADD bastard child of Shrek and Invader Zim with plenty of gorehound fun to be had.

4.Slubglub in the Weird World of the Weeping Willows by Andrew Goldfarb

A fun existential Halloween special, richly illustrated by Bizarro polymath, huckster and Renaissance man Andrew Goldfarb. Don't pass this one up.

5. Morning is Dead by Andersen Prunty

Sort of a Lynchian take on Carnival of Souls and 50's science fiction. Hard to describe, hard to read, easy to love. Any of Prunty's books is a good bet. Smart, challenging horror excellence.

6.A Million Versions of Right by Matt Revert

Chances are, if you're human, you've felt afraid or uncomfortable with or because of your body. Body horror is usually about turning into a machine or an insect man. Seldom is it about flatulence, masturbation or any of the baser instincts going awry. A Million Versions of Right is a short story collection where these things rule the day. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be embarassed for yourself and others. Some of these stories are as funny as things get, some as scary.

7. King Scratch by Jordan Krall

Krall is a friend and collaborator of mine with the most democratic, objective sense of taste I have ever encountered. Krall's truly admirable sense of cultural objectivity takes him into strange realms and will take you there too. King Scratch is one of the darkest of these nightworlds, a sleazenoir journey where perversity, cheapness and violence rule. King Scratch is a mischievous Walpurgisnacht of a book and if you're up for it, you'll be richly rewarded with a hell of a tale.

Of course,in addition to these, if you're looking for some scary weird fiction, you could do worse than the Murderland books and Archelon Ranch. But you're here, so I'm sure you know that.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Archelon Sequel, Archelon Praise, Crazy from the heat

It is hot and I am exhausted. The caffeine sweats out faster than I would like. This is an understatement. One akin to "I doslightly fewer situps than I should." If you too are crazy from this heat, you should check out my book Archelon Ranch, a book about a world where global warming has brought back dinosaurs and people die to go outside and get cool and there's a church dedicated to the belief that everyone is living in a book and and and...and it was nominated from the Wonderland Award for excellence in Bizarro fiction. It's one of five Bizarro books handpicked by my peers as the best of the genre. If that's not enough reason to pick it up, then consider that if you don't buy it, you'll be in the dark when the Archelon Ranch sequel I am writing this hot, stupid Summer will be tough to read. And then what will you do? Cry? Just pay the 8.95 and feed your head.