Friday, March 18, 2011

Birds and the Bees: Sex ed 2013

zRecently, in Texas an 11 year old was raped by 28 young men. Conservatives are saying it was her fault for dressing provocatively. The definition of forcible rape is changing. Someday, it will not exist. Let's peek in at a trailer home two years from now, shall we?

Rebel, my boy, sit down. Not there. Not on that chair. That's my other good chair. Man works his ass off from 35 years and he don't have a right to two chairs? On the floor, you piece of shit, sit down on the floor! This is important, dammit! Now you had better fucking listen, because I ain't gonna say this twice. You're sixteen and I think it's high time I taught you know. YOU KNOW. What do you mean, you don't know? I'm talking, you dumb little shit, about sex. You know, sex? Yeah, I bet you know, sex. No, I know. You're a good boy, Rebel.

I'm sure you notice your sister's gettin' a little chunky. No, it ain't the tatertot bacon grilled cheese casserole. Your sister's with child. Don't you call your sister a whore! She was a good girl. I'm the man of the house, I asked for what was mine and she gave it to me. Barely cried. Earned her ice cream cone like a champ, so don't you call her a whore. Byron was tellin' me his daughter aborted his son. Can you imagine that? Little bitch killin' her own brother? I raised you two better than that, din't I? I raised you with The Lord.

Anyhow, your sister's with child because I stuck know her and I gave her my seed and the Lord saw it fit that she should bless this trailer with another boy. When you stick a girl...the Lord might see it fit that you bless your trailer with a boy. But first, you gotta court her. You might think you're s'posed to just wait by her car, choke her when she's gettin' in and demand she pull down her panties so you can just have your way with her. Not so. That, my boy, is rape and we ain't rapists in this family. Things get complicated here.

Now, if she's wearing a tightass little skirt, she's tellin' you she wants it. Then you can disregard what I told ya. Bitch is beggin' for it. That's how you came about. If she's dressed respectable like, you're gonna have to buy her a drink. And then you slip one of these badboys in there when she's in the bathroom. You talk to her 'bout her interests and shit til she gets sleepy and then you can bring her home and do your business, make yourself a son. And you raise him good like I raised you. Now tell your sister to get in here. I'm gonna show you some of the particulars.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Badger Cab

There was a woman that witnessed something terrible some gangsters did. Nobody was sure what it was. Not even she really knew. But the gangsters must have known since they objected to her knowing this. They somehow found out what cab she rode home in and while the cab driver was at his favorite Gingerbread House restaurant enjoying a gingerbread house, they filled the back seat of the cab with honey badgers. She got in the cab and was ripped to shreds since there were no action heroes in the cab. There are no action heroes but plenty of gangsters.